Failures. Why we need it.

Yesterday, I received an awful revelations at my doorstep. A response that I have been waiting for but did not expect it to be this way. I got a mail from the regulation board saying that I am not fit to be given the chance to continue my education here. It says in the letter that being an internationally educated immigrant , I showed gaps in my knowledge and skills during my assessment thereby sentencing me a refusal of my application to registration. Shame on me and what i thought as I did my best clueless self.  I was vilified for a moment. I wanted to scream and cry. I want to demand them why. Its hard for me to understand how they could have such authority to garbage my education just because i did not met their standard in a 4 hour assessment. I felt crippled losing 5 years of study and over 10 years of experience. I cant believe that this is the end of the line. All kinds of doubts and discouragement flooded my mind and it's slowly drowning me. Then there's guilt knowing that I failed people who loved me and supported me for not giving my best. I am devastated. I failed myself, knowing that I let the opportunity passed by my hands. I failed my husband who worked really hard for my me. I failed my children with the examples that I showed them. I failed those who have earnestly prayed for me. As I focused on failure, shame is also dwelling on my mind. 

So what does failure really means. I looked it up and failure, as define in the dictionary.com ; is an act or instance of failing or proving successful; a nonperformance of something due, required or expected.  A non performance of something expected, not proving successful. Expected and proving. I stared at those words for a moment. A bright light came to my mind. A sparkle of hope. Expected of me. Yes, I did not meet what is expected of me by the standards of the people who did not really design my life. Who am I proving myself for? Maybe the people that I love. Maybe the norms of the society. Or the people who expects from me. Or maybe the author of my life. Did I really fail God with this unsuccessful exam? Is this really what God wants me to be? Again and again, I am reminded back to the "manna" ( Bread of life) that I have been hanging on . Jeremiah 29: 11. His plans for me is to prosper me and not to harm me. And in my solitude, I heard a soft whisper in my ears, all things work together for good, my daughter. Then peace and joy and courage starts to set in.

So why do we need to fail even when we already know that our God has a great plan for us. Why does he allow us to go through this pain. Maybe you are going through a different kind of failure right now. A failure in finances, a failed exam or failed relationships. Perhaps it is as simple a losing a game and as hard as losing something or someone important. Here's a few wisdom that I gain throughout this process. I hope that this will help you too. 

1. This is a test for you to become better. As it is written in James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, when you face trials or failure of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Take it as a benefit that you are going through what your going through right now because at the end of the day, it is for your own good that you are in this process.   

2. Take this as a time to listen to God. It is said that the testing produces perseverance so that you will become mature and complete. So evaluate yourself, what is it that God is teaching you right now. Search what is it that you need to learn in this process. Have you been so idle? Are you doing what He wants you to do? Do you need to be in shame so you'll know you have to humble yourself? Or maybe God is telling you to do what you love most. So go ahead. Kneel down. The answer is just there.

3. This can be a time to look out for new opportunity. Like an old proverbs " When God shuts the door, he opens a window."   Just like the horizon. Opportunities are limitless and it comes in all packages. So instead of fretting and complaining. Start to look at the situation in a different perspective. Talk to someone if you have to. Don't be afraid to ask for advise. Look around you. Start searching. Motivate yourself. Pick up the pieces together and stand up. Look for that window. Yours is waiting.

4. Be thankful. I know, it is hard to do this especially when you are really down. But we still have to be thankful in everything and in all circumstances (1 Thess 5:18). Good or bad. Find that smallest spot to be thankful and grab it. And you'll see how it will make you feel better. It will help you ease the pain. It will give you courage to move one step forward. Be thankful.

5. Equip yourself. Take time in reinventing yourself. Don't start cuddling in your bed . Check if you need an overhaul and work on it. Evaluate your gifts and talents. Don't slack off. Remember " Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands brings wealth." (Prov. 10:4)

6. Believe on the great things ahead. Have faith. Claim the promise of God in Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Great things are ahead of you. waiting to unfold before you. Now is not the time to give up. In fact, don't ever give up.

7. Finally, remember that you are loved. No matter what you've done, even if its your own doing that you failed, God loves you so much.  Unconditionally. And no one is exempted from His love. So take this word with you. And be grateful that amidst all the failures, someone up there cares for you. Romans 8: 38-39. " And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

How to keep your faith in times of crisis.

The financial economic crisis has affected a lot of individual in the world today. This difficult time may sometimes drift us to dwell on fear, worry and depression. So how do we keep our faith? Its tough and difficult. Here are few motivations to keep us stay focus and live life to the fullest.

1. Keep you faith rooted in the word of God. Read the bible and you will find a tons of stories were the disciples have been through a diffult times . God is always there to keep his children. Find one story, mark it in your bible and read it again and again when you are down and distracted. I keep one story in the book of John 6, where the disciples being caught up in the storm and Jesus came to stop the storm. This is a very encouraging story for me and it reveals how man tends to loose their faith even when they already know the truth yet still God is there to save them. Reading it again and again helps me keep my faith up when times are down.

2. Find a promise in the the bible and keep it posted. John 10:10b is always an encouragement to me as well us Jeremiah 29:11. It will help if you will find a very encouraging verse in the bible, memorize it, write it down and post in in your room or in the fridge or keep in your wallet. And when you feel that you are afraid , read it aloud so you can hear it again. Better yet read it straight from the bible when you feel discouraged.

3. Count your blessings. One motivational speaker said that if you focus on one thing it will happened or grow more. If you focus on fear of loosing your job or not being able to provide for your family there is a tendency that you will really get into it because it will distract your attention to find solution to your problem. While if you start to count your blessings and focus on the blessings you had and you still have , it will bring encouragement and confidence to find answers and solutions to your problems. Start counting now. Write it down if you want. I'm sure that you will require more pages than what you think.

4. Look at the difficult time in the past. Go back to the time when you had just finished college and you dont even know how to go through an interview yet you got the job. Or think about the difficult times in the past that you have survived. Im sure in one way or another, you have stumbled into that situations before. Remember how God has turned your situation around. Talked it out to your friends and family. Be proud on how you were able to surpassed that time. You'll see how it will sure boost your confidence.

5.Be thankful. Being thankful lets you think what else is there that you still have to be thankful for. If you lose your job, be thankful that you did not lose your talent and ability with your job, it is still there that you can use to find another job. If you dont have money, be thankful, because then you dont have to go out and spend time shopping instead you spend you time in other important matters. Think and you will find that there are more than what you lose. Praise and thank God all the time.

6. Let your friends or family know. If there is something that bothers you, it will help if you start unloading it to a friend or a family. Talked it out or ask your friend or family to pray for you. Dont be afraid to loosen it. That is what friends and family are for - to support each other. In the same way when someone comes to you, be ready to give advice and support them.

7. Finally, Keep on praying. Being down to your knees in prayer is already an act of faith. That you trust God to run your life. Prayer will help you reject fear and accept confidence. Keeping you faith is a full surrender that God is there to carry you when the loads are heavy.

Remember, Jesus came so we may have life and have it to the fullest. This includes having life to the fullest even in global finacial crisis. So, keeep the faith and live!

On living long life on earth.

The other friday, I had the priviledge to sit and listen to one of my favorite preacher. He spoke about the only commandment in the bible with a promise. And it strucks me like a sharp sword, penetrating the most sensitive and unresolved issues I have.

Ephesians 6:1-3 " Children Obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother- which is the first commandment with a promise- that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy a long life on the earth."

My mother passed away when I was 20. And for that 20 years , she was not all times around, for whatever reason, she have to leave us. She worked in many places away from us. But for that time I always feel how much she loves me. I always treasure those nights when she would cuddle me tightly and kissed me while I was pretending to be asleep. I have seen how she worked hard and fought even harder. And I always hope that she is still here to guide me now that I have children of my own. I know there were a lot of time when we couldnt agree on anything and those were the time I know I have hurt her with my words and action. I never realized that she was right until i have to bear my own child. Time had steal her away from me that I could'nt turn back and tell her how much I love her and need her and thank her for what she made me into. No chance.

My fathers disposition is always different. We are the opposite. Most of the time I disagree with every principle and decisions he makes in his life. I always thought that there's a better way and solution than what he usually would settle in. I have seen him angry. I have seen him make mistakes. I have seen him run away. I grew up in a battle of choosing to accept who and what he is or fight for the ideals that I have for a father in my mind which could not be him. The battle consumes it all till we have to live separately. Although distance have kept us civil, something is missing in the relationship. Yes, wounds were healed, ideals forgotten, and being a parent myself I get to look into things at a different perspective. The tie still needs to be rooted. The foundations are weak and shaky that anytime it can burst with small complications. He is 75 now. He is in the snowy mountains of the north while i am here in the dessert east. It is difficult. I dont know if I will be comfortable being with him and expressing my cares and concerns. It is difficult.

This is why Ephesians 6 is a sharp sword strucked like choking me to my most uncomfortable being. While I was listening to the preacher, i could not imagine if I can do all the suggestions he was making. However, I know that this should be the time to start mending relationships. Making bold steps to show love and affections for my father is a tough job for me. And I am looking on the little time left for us and the distance that separates us. I know that with me being able to surpass this will help me live life to the fullest! As what is written... honor your father and enjoy a long life on earth. And I am trying...just one step at a time.

As a start.

John 10:10

Jesus said "I came that you might have life and have it to the fullest."

This verse has been a motivation for me on how should I live this one life that I have. He came that I might have life and have it to the fullest. To live it we need to look on all aspects for check and balance. Matters like relationships, health, career, financial freedom, lifestyle, sense of fulfillment can affect on how to live life to the fullest. And since the drive of this curiosity is mainly on J10:10 , expect to read journals with may be rooted from the principles of the bible or maybe excerpts form masters and people who where able to gain the aboundance of life. I am no expert but I am first a learner, a student, an immitator and a seeker.

So what does living life to the fullest really means?...and how do I go about it..well its not a thing that is learned overnight...so heres a start to this journey...a gate to my goal...to live life and have it to the fullest.

The plans for us...

Jay just joined another company for less than a month. Although he has just joined, the offer came middle of the year 2008 and he already accepted the offer and has made arrangements for the transfer when the onset of crisis situation came in UAE. Therefore he cannot back out from his commitments. On his first week of work, the project that he's supposed to handle suddenly declared immediate closure for the next ten days. So he was move to another project where he has to work in another position. It didn't mind him when again only in a week , he was moved to another project. This roller coaster of transfer has caused tension on him. We know a lot of friends here in Dubai who was cancelled on their visa because of projects that where immediately closed. A lot of people has been affected with the global crisis, and that just added to our worries. It is more difficult for us here since the entire family is under Jays visa, it means that if Jay's visa will be cancelled that includes me and our three children. This is really trying times for us...it is like there is a race to survival. This has caused worries to me and Jay.



But then, I try to look back. I grow up without any hold of security. There where times when the days need is so difficult to fill that there are no room to think about tomorrow. I dont have parents to run to...although I have responsible siblings who took care of me..still my life did'nt come in a platter filled with what I want...rarely even with what I need. But just enough to survive. Nevertheless, after all we've been through..we were able to pass the difficult times and earn our reward. All of my siblings except for one finished our education and was able to achieve our dreams one by one. The unity and help of each other sustained us and drifted us to where we are now.



Above all, I always believed in my heart that someone must have prayed for us...maybe my mother or my father. That we were kept and chosen. Chosen to claim the promise. Chosen to know God. Chosen to live life to the fullest. I know, that God has set everything in order...though there will be times of difficulties..these are just temporary. He has proven much in the past...He did not forsake us yet he delivered us...in the past ..present and in the future. So I encourage my husband to this one promise that always helped me during difficult times. Hope that this will be an encouragement to others as well.



" For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all my heart. I will be found by you" declares the Lord, " and I will bring you back from captivity."

Jeremiah 29:11-14