Failures. Why we need it.

Yesterday, I received an awful revelations at my doorstep. A response that I have been waiting for but did not expect it to be this way. I got a mail from the regulation board saying that I am not fit to be given the chance to continue my education here. It says in the letter that being an internationally educated immigrant , I showed gaps in my knowledge and skills during my assessment thereby sentencing me a refusal of my application to registration. Shame on me and what i thought as I did my best clueless self.  I was vilified for a moment. I wanted to scream and cry. I want to demand them why. Its hard for me to understand how they could have such authority to garbage my education just because i did not met their standard in a 4 hour assessment. I felt crippled losing 5 years of study and over 10 years of experience. I cant believe that this is the end of the line. All kinds of doubts and discouragement flooded my mind and it's slowly drowning me. Then there's guilt knowing that I failed people who loved me and supported me for not giving my best. I am devastated. I failed myself, knowing that I let the opportunity passed by my hands. I failed my husband who worked really hard for my me. I failed my children with the examples that I showed them. I failed those who have earnestly prayed for me. As I focused on failure, shame is also dwelling on my mind. 

So what does failure really means. I looked it up and failure, as define in the dictionary.com ; is an act or instance of failing or proving successful; a nonperformance of something due, required or expected.  A non performance of something expected, not proving successful. Expected and proving. I stared at those words for a moment. A bright light came to my mind. A sparkle of hope. Expected of me. Yes, I did not meet what is expected of me by the standards of the people who did not really design my life. Who am I proving myself for? Maybe the people that I love. Maybe the norms of the society. Or the people who expects from me. Or maybe the author of my life. Did I really fail God with this unsuccessful exam? Is this really what God wants me to be? Again and again, I am reminded back to the "manna" ( Bread of life) that I have been hanging on . Jeremiah 29: 11. His plans for me is to prosper me and not to harm me. And in my solitude, I heard a soft whisper in my ears, all things work together for good, my daughter. Then peace and joy and courage starts to set in.

So why do we need to fail even when we already know that our God has a great plan for us. Why does he allow us to go through this pain. Maybe you are going through a different kind of failure right now. A failure in finances, a failed exam or failed relationships. Perhaps it is as simple a losing a game and as hard as losing something or someone important. Here's a few wisdom that I gain throughout this process. I hope that this will help you too. 

1. This is a test for you to become better. As it is written in James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, when you face trials or failure of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Take it as a benefit that you are going through what your going through right now because at the end of the day, it is for your own good that you are in this process.   

2. Take this as a time to listen to God. It is said that the testing produces perseverance so that you will become mature and complete. So evaluate yourself, what is it that God is teaching you right now. Search what is it that you need to learn in this process. Have you been so idle? Are you doing what He wants you to do? Do you need to be in shame so you'll know you have to humble yourself? Or maybe God is telling you to do what you love most. So go ahead. Kneel down. The answer is just there.

3. This can be a time to look out for new opportunity. Like an old proverbs " When God shuts the door, he opens a window."   Just like the horizon. Opportunities are limitless and it comes in all packages. So instead of fretting and complaining. Start to look at the situation in a different perspective. Talk to someone if you have to. Don't be afraid to ask for advise. Look around you. Start searching. Motivate yourself. Pick up the pieces together and stand up. Look for that window. Yours is waiting.

4. Be thankful. I know, it is hard to do this especially when you are really down. But we still have to be thankful in everything and in all circumstances (1 Thess 5:18). Good or bad. Find that smallest spot to be thankful and grab it. And you'll see how it will make you feel better. It will help you ease the pain. It will give you courage to move one step forward. Be thankful.

5. Equip yourself. Take time in reinventing yourself. Don't start cuddling in your bed . Check if you need an overhaul and work on it. Evaluate your gifts and talents. Don't slack off. Remember " Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands brings wealth." (Prov. 10:4)

6. Believe on the great things ahead. Have faith. Claim the promise of God in Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Great things are ahead of you. waiting to unfold before you. Now is not the time to give up. In fact, don't ever give up.

7. Finally, remember that you are loved. No matter what you've done, even if its your own doing that you failed, God loves you so much.  Unconditionally. And no one is exempted from His love. So take this word with you. And be grateful that amidst all the failures, someone up there cares for you. Romans 8: 38-39. " And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.