The other friday, I had the priviledge to sit and listen to one of my favorite preacher. He spoke about the only commandment in the bible with a promise. And it strucks me like a sharp sword, penetrating the most sensitive and unresolved issues I have.
Ephesians 6:1-3 " Children Obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother- which is the first commandment with a promise- that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy a long life on the earth."
My mother passed away when I was 20. And for that 20 years , she was not all times around, for whatever reason, she have to leave us. She worked in many places away from us. But for that time I always feel how much she loves me. I always treasure those nights when she would cuddle me tightly and kissed me while I was pretending to be asleep. I have seen how she worked hard and fought even harder. And I always hope that she is still here to guide me now that I have children of my own. I know there were a lot of time when we couldnt agree on anything and those were the time I know I have hurt her with my words and action. I never realized that she was right until i have to bear my own child. Time had steal her away from me that I could'nt turn back and tell her how much I love her and need her and thank her for what she made me into. No chance.
My fathers disposition is always different. We are the opposite. Most of the time I disagree with every principle and decisions he makes in his life. I always thought that there's a better way and solution than what he usually would settle in. I have seen him angry. I have seen him make mistakes. I have seen him run away. I grew up in a battle of choosing to accept who and what he is or fight for the ideals that I have for a father in my mind which could not be him. The battle consumes it all till we have to live separately. Although distance have kept us civil, something is missing in the relationship. Yes, wounds were healed, ideals forgotten, and being a parent myself I get to look into things at a different perspective. The tie still needs to be rooted. The foundations are weak and shaky that anytime it can burst with small complications. He is 75 now. He is in the snowy mountains of the north while i am here in the dessert east. It is difficult. I dont know if I will be comfortable being with him and expressing my cares and concerns. It is difficult.
This is why Ephesians 6 is a sharp sword strucked like choking me to my most uncomfortable being. While I was listening to the preacher, i could not imagine if I can do all the suggestions he was making. However, I know that this should be the time to start mending relationships. Making bold steps to show love and affections for my father is a tough job for me. And I am looking on the little time left for us and the distance that separates us. I know that with me being able to surpass this will help me live life to the fullest! As what is written... honor your father and enjoy a long life on earth. And I am trying...just one step at a time.
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